i don't do drugs so i eat instead

if I had an Indian in a cupboard, I would treat him right. TINY PIZZA EVERY NIGHT!

Happy Birthday to meeee. My mom is the greatest of cake decorators!

German Pancakes

My great great grandparents immigrated to Canada from Austria/Germany, so I have some German ancestry. I wish I could say our family was super German to the core, that everyone walked around wearing lederhosen and that I have a cousin named Helga, but basically the most German things in my life growing up were a) my grandparents and b) the food.

I couldn’t remember ever having German pancakes as a kid, because after making them for the first time, I knew it was a meal I wouldn’t forget.

Makes 2 9-inch pancakes.

4 eggs
1 tbsp sugar
1/2 tsp salt
2/3 cup flour
2/3 cup milk
2 tbsp soft butter

Heat oven to 400°F. Butter two 9-inch cake pans well. Crack eggs into blender, cover and blend under light yellow in color. Turn blender on low, remove cover (the small one inside the lid, wtf is it called?) and add remaining ingredients; blend until smooth. Pour into prepared pans and bake 20 minutes; then reduce heat to 350°F and bake 10 minutes.

I originally made mine in cast iron pans, but realize that not everyone has those, and that they probably come out more fluffy and less crispy in a non-stick cake pan. I like mine crispier, so go with a cast iron if you have one (or any other oven safe pan, but reduce heat if you’re using a steel pan).

Serve with powdered sugar and fresh fruits and syrup!

Or whatever you want. It’s not my place to tell you how to eat your pancakes. Eat it with peanut butter if you want.

ew just kidding don’t do that please.

Caramel Corn Bars

For the top layers:

3 1/2 cups miniature marshmallows
1 bag butter-flavor microwave popcorn, popped
2/3 cup light corn syrup
1/4 cup butter or margarine
1 bag peanut butter chips
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

For the graham cracker crust:

1/2 cup melted butter
3/4 cup sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/3 cup flour
3/4 cup graham cracker crumbs
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt

This recipe originally used a roll of cookie dough for its bottom layer, but I felt that would be too sweet and would overpower the caramel corn which is really the main attraction.. However, if you’re not a diabetic eighty year old, buy a roll of Pilsbury chocolate chip cookie dough and substitute.

Start by popping the popcorn. I used regular butter flavoured popcorn, but if you’re really not kidding around, you could go for the extra buttered. I thought about getting lightly buttered, but reducing the amount of butter on the caramel-covered popcorn wouldn’t really reduce much of the fat in this recipe.

Now you want to make your graham cracker crust. Preheat oven to 350F and grease a rectangular (9x12) baking pan, lined with parchment paper. You want to make sure this is properly greased because marshmallows in an ungreased glass pan basically turn into concrete. If you’re using a glass pan, don’t forget to reduce the temperature about 25 degrees!

In a stand mixer (or with an electric mixer), beat together the sugar and melted butter. (Can we just stop for a minute..while typing that I wrote “shugar” and “better”.) Add the egg and vanilla. Mix well. In a separate bowl, combine the flour, graham cracker crumbs, baking powder and salt. Mix into the butter mixture.

Press the dough evenly into the bottom of the pan, using the back of a spoon to smooth it out. Truthfully I only used 3/4 of the dough because I wanted the crust to be thinner but it’s up to you and I can’t see you. And I’m sure Sanny Claus doesn’t care either.

Bake 10-12 minutes or until it’s just starting to brown. Let cool.

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In a medium sized pot on low heat, melt together corn syrup, peanut butter chips and butter. Pour over popcorn and toss to evenly coat. Resist the urge to taste the caramel corn. You’ll just burn the shit out of your mouth like I did.

Sprinkle marshmallows over the graham crust and bake another five minutes, or until they puff up. Top with caramel corn.

Melt chocolate, and drizzle over the bars with a spoon, moving it rapidly from side to side.

Anonymous asked: bake me some cookies and mail them to meeee

I can’t. Faceless people scare me.

Strawberry Scones

I wish I could bring myself to read up on photography. It’s just so boring.

I love this scone recipe. I love a good buttermilk scone, but these are just so soft and subtle. The scone itself isn’t overly sweet, but just enough to be able to enjoy it on its own. I would eat these with or without a glaze. The texture of these scones is just soft and crumbly but moist and welcoming. I think they lasted about a day on my counter…but that doesn’t really mean they’re that good. I think I was the one who ate most of them..

DOUGH:

3 cups flour
1/3 cup sugar
5 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
2 sticks (1 cup) butter or margarine, chilled
1 egg
3/4 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup strawberries, fresh or frozen, sliced (or any other fruit)

ICING:

1/2 cup icing sugar
1-2 tsp vanilla extract
splash of heavy cream

Preheat oven to 350F

In a large bowl, sift the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt. Cut the cold butter in small pieces into the flour (using a pastry cutter) until the mixture is crumby.

**If you don’t have a pastry cutter, just work the flour into the butter pieces with your fingers until no large chunks of butter remain. You want it to look sandy.

Mix the egg and cream together, then add to the crumbly flour. Using a fork, stir the mixture until just combined. Dump it out onto a cutting board - dough will be crumbly. This is okay. Using your hands, gently press the dough into a big ball. Gently flatten out the dough into a disc about 5-6 inches in diameter and about 1.5 to 2 inches thick. Sprinkle strawberries on top and press into dough.

Slice into 8 pieces and separate, then transfer to a baking sheet lined with parchment paper or a silpat sheet. Bake for 22-26 minutes, until scones are JUST starting to brown. Don’t let the edges become too dark.

For the icing.. You can play around with it to suit it to your liking. I like to skip the shenanigans and just make my icing with vanilla, and a splash of cream to lighten it to a pourable consistency.

When scones are cooled, dip them fruit side down into the bowl of icing.

Eat them all.

next…Starbucks style vanilla bean scones.

Breakfast Cups (simple and easy!)

After making homemade pizza the other day, we had some leftover deli meat-…I guess that’s the entire story. I needed to make use of it and I also needed to eat. I love this recipe. It looks impressive, tastes delicious and is a quick breakfast. Better than having plain cornflakes or eating yogurt out of the container like I do most mornings.

4 slices of capocollo (any thinly sliced deli meat - I used two slices each as they were small. Capocollo is just dry cured ham.)
salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 400F. Oh, did I not mention you’ll be needing an oven?

Grease a muffin tin accordingly and place the sliced meat in the bottom of each cup, making sure to form a cup. A meat cup, if you will.

I looked up “meat cup” on Google images. PLEASE MOM

Crack an egg into each meat cup. Insert into oven and bake for 8-9 minutes or until the egg whites stop jiggling around. Scientific, right?

(Basically just cook them to your liking. I like mine runny but I definitely didn’t want watery egg whites so it took about 9 minutes.)

Season with salt and pepper. Serve with toast (I like light rye bread - makes for a crunchy, sturdy, flavourful toast.)

Oatmeal Cream Pies

I’d never even heard of oatmeal cream pies before, but when I found them online, I hurriedly bookmarked the recipe knowing that one day, the time would come when I would cast my baking wand and unleash these to the universe.

That day has come.

I thought I was going to get sugary, chewy cookies, but I was pleasantly surprised at the soft, cake-like texture I found instead. These cookies are yummy but not overly sweet, which makes them a perfect balance to the gooey marshmallow fluff between them.

For the cookies:

¾ cup brown sugar (preferably dark, but I used light and it was delicious)
½ cup sugar
1 cup butter, at room temperature
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tbsp honey
1 ¾ cup flour
1 tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
1/8 tsp cinnamon
1 ½ cups quick cooking oats

For the MARSHMALLOW (you heard me) frosting:

2 egg whites
¼ tsp cream of tartar
½ cup sugar
½ tsp vanilla

Preheat your oven to 350F and line a baking pan with parchment paper (you can buy this at the dollar store!)

In an electric mixer, cream the butter and sugars until fluffy, scraping the bowl periodically. Add the eggs, vanilla and honey and beat until incorporated.

In a separate bowl, combine the flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon. Add the flour mixture to the butter gradually, mixing just until blended. Lovingly stir in the oats until they are part of this cookie family.

Transfer dough to a large bowl and refrigerate for 15 minutes.

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Remove the dough from the fridge (taking the bowl along with it) and drop by tablespoons onto the parchment-lined baking sheet.

*I found if I spread out the dough instead of heaping it with the tablespoon, the cookies came out flatter, which I liked. If you’re okay with thicker cookies, then please disregard this!

Bake for 8-10 minutes, or until the cookies start to brown. You might be worried that they look under baked, but they firm as they cool, and if the edges are starting to brown then the bottoms will be perfect. Mine only took 8 minutes so watch carefully!

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While the cookies are cooling, make the frosting.

In a double boiler (or metal bowl sitting over a pot of simmering water) mix the egg whites, sugar, and cream of tartar. Whisk constantly until the egg whites are very frothy and the mixture reaches about 160 degrees (you want the sugar to dissolve.) Transfer the egg whites to a stand mixture bowl, and using the whisk attachment, beat on high until the mixture forms stiff peaks. This will take several minutes. Grab a book (you could try Twilight: New Moon..at the very least it is a good bathroom read.) Tenderly fold the vanilla into the whipped egg whites. Flop a good tablespoon or more onto the underside of one cookie, and sandwich with another. Awww look how cute!!

When you’re short on cash, supplies and kitchen tools, this is the result. Happy Birthday, boyfriend. Stop laughing at me.

Anonymous asked: do you have any twice baked potatoe recipes? me and my niece were jus' wonderin'

omgggg coincidentally I dooo

I want pizzaaaaa.. p-i-z-z-a

I’m no photographer but this is my favorite picture right now. Look at that beautiful, golden pizza. Basil, roasted garlic, capocollo, and mushrooms on a bed of shredded mozzarella.

Gimme pizzzaaaaaaaa, p-i-z-z-a..I want pizzaaaaa

Anonymous asked: Honestly your recipes look good, but you use the word 'pussies' and 'pussying out' for not making a crust in your pumpkin pie recipe. Seriously? Now I am don't even want to read the rest of your recipes. Where is your class/education? You are a lady, so please act like it. Wow. Btw, this is coming from a 28 year old male who more than likely is from the same generation as you, but you need to learn how to speak properly, especially on a blog. Now get get some class and polish your English please

So you’re PMSing pretty bad, huh?

Mac ‘n’ Cheese (for two)

2 cups elbow macaroni
1 tbsp butter
1 tbsp flour
1/4 tsp mustard powder
3/4 cup milk
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese (the sharper in flavour the better!)

Ok first off, does anyone prefer the shit out of white cheddar KD to regular KD?? Why can’t they make regular KD with elbow macaroni? Why is everyone out to ruin my damn LIFE.

Also sidenote.. it says “for two”, but I ate this in a mixing bowl all to myself. Sooo yeah. If you have a huge appetite, are pregnant, or have your period, consider this an individual serving.

damn my photography to hell

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Get the pasta boilin’, gurl. Cook it til it’s al dente, or longer if you like softer macaroni…which I do. Who the hell wants al dente.

Melt the butter in a small pot on medium heat. Stir in the flour and mustard powder. Stir until it forms a thick paste. Slowly whisk in the milk, and stir until it starts to thicken, about a minute or so. (You just made a roux!) Stir in the cheese until it’s melted. Add salt and pepper to taste. The more mild the cheddar, the more salt you may want.

Drain the pasta and transfer to a medium sized bowl. Pour in the cheese sauce and stir well to coat! I like to sprinkle in extra shredded cheese to fold in, so I get nice strings of cheddar in every bite.

This recipe works great with mozzarella as well!